Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
