Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
