Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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