They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
