i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
