Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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