I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
jump out the window naked night went bad
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