honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
