Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
