I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
