My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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