I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
