She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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