All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
