You're completely useless in the revolution.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
