so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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