Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You dont lie about slip and slides
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
