it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She bit a glass in half.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Randomize
