oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
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