I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
vagina is talking i cant
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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