is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
