don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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