i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I need to stop coming to work sober
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
