How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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