I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
