Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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