If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
