The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
