Umm I'm too high to move.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
