So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
