I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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