Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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