There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
