Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
