I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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