so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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