That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
