Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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