Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
