He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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