i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
