glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
