literally had 100 drinks last night.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
