I need help removing her.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
