How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
