Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
