I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
