Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
