Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
