Your face is a jimmy john
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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